What's on your mind

What’s on your mind



Unfortunately, our house has been filled with illness since 2020 began.  I would not call it the “Year of the Aldridges”.   It started with Olivia in the hospital for a kidney infection.  Todd has a horrible sinus infection.  Jack tested positive for Flu B.  Sophi has a minor surgery that was very painful.  Finally, Olivia got the flu which turned into pneumonia and just to make sure she was the winner, “most sick game,” she threw in a UTI just for kicks.  At some point I slept in everyone’s room at least one night, got Gatorade at 3am and thanked God for the privilege of being a mom so I could do everything they needed.  But I went weeks with barely in any sleep, and I was starting to feel very run down.  Once everyone was better, I had big plans to sleep.  Then Corona hit.  


Barely any sleep for this momma meant headaches became more frequent, my bladder got super lazy, which meant more UTIs and more bladder washings, my left leg starts to drag a little more and worst of all my brain gets fuzzy and irrational.  

Watching the “Corona News” was the worst thing I could do.  I’m also a big fan of The Walking Dead, so I had already planned of where we would escape too.   I made sure it was a sturdy brick building with supplies and close to gas stations, grocery stores and places where we could find weapons if we needed to.  I knew Rick would be proud.  I had even told Todd where we should go. and why.  He laughed but also looked at me like, “what the heck do I do with this”? 


Not only was Todd walking behind me and saying, “Got to pick that leg up,” he was telling me to calm down and to get some sleep, please get some sleep.  He was right, I see that now that I have slept (but don’t tell him he was right).  I was losing my mind, I was going “Corona Crazy”.  Literally.


Let me explain what I mean by crazy, and fasten your seatbelts folks this is going to be a bumpy ride: 

Here is the scene:  It is 2:30 am I am in my precious recliner with my electric blanket watching something fascinating on TLC.  And, my brain starts talking to me, you probably won’t be able to follow this train of thought and feel free to laugh.  It’s ok I know I was a lunatic.

“Gosh, I wish my brain would slow down it is running the 100-meter dash in the Olympics.  The Olympics, oh crap, they can’t have the Olympics it’s in Tokyo, too much Corona in Asia.  All those poor athletes training so hard for this, their sacrifices, their parents sacrifice that really stinks.  All the spectators, all the money lost and their vacations.  Vacations, we are supposed to go to Hilton Head for Spring Break, we can’t do that.  Sheesh, Olivia, Barrett and most of all my mom will be so disappointed.  Mom, oh no, mom has terrible lungs she can’t catch this.  Bad lungs, Olivia’s asthma has been out of control lately.  She has had flu and pneumonia recently how do I keep her from getting sick?  What can I do?  I know, vitamins, I’ll load them all up on vitamins.  We are almost out though.  I order some from Amazon right now.  Go back Julie, you need to go through Rakuten to get the rebate from Amazon.  Rebate, we need that for sure.  Poor Todd, he’s amazing, he supports us all and soon he won’t be able to work, He can’t go into hospitals and doctors’ offices, they won’t allow it.  He must stay healthy and not only that he could bring that home to Olivia and me.  My last counts barely showed and IGG or IGM and pretty much no IGA.  My leg is so heavy right now I must do something, I refuse to use a cane or be in a wheelchair.  Don’t be a wimp, Julie.  I really do hate this disease.”

It is now 2:31 am and I am crying, shaking and scared.  I worked myself into a panic.  Plus, once I realized I am crying, and my heart is about to jump out of my chest I get extremely mad at myself and I cry harder.  This cycle goes on for a couple hours and I usually fall asleep right before my alarm goes off and it’s time to start the day.  It is kind of a vicious cycle. 


This went on for a couple weeks until Todd finally had to take control.  As we have discussed before, I still look at him with stars in my eyes.  He would listen to my craziness.  He never dismissed me.  He never laughed, either.  He would just give his normal response, “OK honey” over and over.  However, one day I looked in his eyes and I saw it, the thing I hate the most from him, “pity and worry”.  He looked me dead in the eyes and said, “Please, you have to sleep”.  It crushes me.  He is worried.  He feels sorry for me.   Ok, I can’t handle that at all, so I just say, “I’ll sleep”.  It took some “brain convincing” but I did it.  I had to tell my brain that the kids would be ok if I slept for a little bit, that Todd would be ok, that I was going to find the cure to Corona, that nothing would change while I was asleep, that it was good for me.  I had to outsmart my brain. 


It took a few days/nights to get my brain to shut down, but it did get quieter until one night I slept.  I slept 11 hours straight.  It was amazing!  And, while I felt a little guilty about it, I knew it was the right thing to do.  For 2 days I wore PJs and I slept. I felt so much better after that.  So.Much.Better.


Sometimes it seems hard to slow down.  When I actually slow down, I feel defeated.  As I’ve said many times before, I don’t want this stupid disease to run my life.  But if I don’t learn to slow down and listen to my body, it may ruin my life.  I need to learn to how to choose what is more important.  I choose me, my family, my kids and our life.  So, I’ll slow down, I’ll try to quit worrying and I’ll sleep. 


FYI- sleeping feels fantastic and right now my brain is focused on happy things not panicky things.  And, it’s a good thing too because on the 5^th day of Quarantine I told my family I was walking into the woods and they were not to come find me. 

To be continued…