Things I have learned in the quarantine

The things I have learned from the quarantine



What do Scrabble, Connect 4, coloring and puzzles have in common?  If you said, “things that the quarantine has killed” you would be correct.  For people who are competitive like me, Monica Gellar competitive, it is even worse.  I must win!  I will intimidate my children to never challenge a Scrabble word (I kick their tails anyway).  I scare them during Taboo if they aren’t paying attention.  When one of the kids say, “whose picture is colored the prettiest?”  I answer, “me”.   I do not like to lose; I am terrible at it too.  Truly.  Terribly.   

I have learned a couple other things during this quarantine.  One new thing I have learned is that my children would starve to death before they would eat something they do not like.  Well, one of them anyway.  When Jack was little people would tell me to stop feeding him so much chicken, not sure why they told me that because I didn’t ask.   He ate a lot of it, a ton.  By the ripe old age of 4, he was a food critic solely making a living off reviewing chicken nuggets.  I would tell people he would starve if I didn’t feed them to him even when they insisted he wouldn’t.  Again, I didn’t ask.  He could completely wait me out on the subject of eating chicken nuggets.   He was probably the only 4-year-old with a cholesterol problem. 

This week we discovered our cupboards were bare.  You all have read how the grocery store only plays into the hands of my Corona craziness.  Jack had a horrible headache, and I soon discovered he had not eaten.  We had what some would call, “A childs dream menu”.  The menu consisted of chocolate milk, ice cream, hot dogs and leftover spaghetti.  Jack likes exactly zero of those food items.  Especially if he has to fix it himself.  So, yes folks, hot dogs and chocolate milk are not the same as Dino nuggets and yellow Gatorade.  After spending approximately 1 million dollars at the grocery, his appetite was sufficiently satisfied, and he was back in business.  Thank goodness too, because his Call of Duty buddies were sure to be worried and sending KFC cards any day now.

Secondly, I have learned there is nowhere I can go to be alone in my house.  Last week, I was toying with the idea of going out on the back deck and screaming, “Serenity now”!  I love my children, but there are days when I swear if I hear, “mom, can you watch this?” or see one more tic toc hand motion I will lose my mind.  I have told Todd on more than one occasion that I am, “walking into the woods, do not come look for me”.  It is honestly more like a promise and not a threat. 

I locked myself in the bathroom the other day and sat in the floor just to be alone.  Since I do bladder washes and have trouble going to the bathroom consistently, spending a lot of time in there was not odd.  But, one of my sweet little blessings came and sat outside the door and decided that they could, “just wait on me”.  After 10 minutes, I realized I was going to lose and had been bested by a 10-year-old.

Take note of this now, because one day I will get even.  When they want to be alone, and eventually they will, I am going to their house and I will follow them everywhere they go.  If by some chance I enter the great beyond before I get the chance, I vow at this very moment to haunt them from the grave. 

Not only have I learned that my children are in control of their food intake and that my house is too small, but I have also come to realize school has changed a lot since I was a student.  Either that, or I am getting dumber with each passing year.  No one “carries the 1” anymore.  As a matter of fact, go have some fun with a child and give them a long math problem.  Show them how you carry a number and watch the confusion overcome them. 

I am not homeschooling my children during this quarantine, because I do not understand how they do things.  I refuse to tell them that though.  When they ask me how to do something related I just turn it on them.  I get on my mommy high horse, which is really a mommy jack ass, and tell them they need to be more independent and figure it out.  I decided to stop helping after I got a 75% on a language arts paper and failed a 5^th grade math test all in the same day.  The worst part was they originally had the correct answers, but when I checked their work I insisted they change it. 

The final lesson I have learned is that it does not matter what time of day it is there is always a home improvement show on TV.  One of the many issues I have related to NMO is that I stay anxious about what is around the next corner.  NMO is completely unpredictable.  The fact that I try to predict the unpredictable keeps me up at night.  My spasms and wiggles will occasionally wake Todd, so before I wake him I head downstairs with my electric blanket and become one with my recliner and watch the home improvement shows that are always on TV.  I am fairly certain that I am one of very few people who has no desire to flip houses.  It amazes me how every family comes stocked with a contractor and electrician these days.  It’s not only my concern that I don’t wake Todd that sends me to my recliner, if he gets one glance of a home improvement show something in our house gets renovated.   Right now, he wants to take out the bathtub and extend the shower.  This would be great, but I would rather see a contractor headed my way than Todd with a sledgehammer.   Let me paint this a little better, this weekend we watched a bathroom get remodeled.  As I type, he is in the bathroom with his tools “fixing the toilet”.  This will be a bright point to using catheters tonight. 

Unfortunately, my immunocompromised status is going to keep us quarantined for a little while longer than others.  While it may not be fun, I can assure you it will be entertaining. 

Take a nap and pass the Lysol

What do an old bed sheet, a handsome masked man, container of homemade Clorox wipes and an “adult only” zone have in common? Nope. Not the weirdest “adult movie” you have ever heard of. It is the way the Aldridge’s do the groceries these days. To say I am overly cautious would be an understatement.


Todd goes to the store the second they open, and yes, he must go. Walmart and Kroger have no pickup times available anymore and unfortunately, Insta Cart continues to tell me that they do not deliver to our zip code? I do not even live “out” so what the heck? Hey, Insta Cart, let’s step that up a little bit? Anyway, it does not matter we love our local Piggly Wiggly so we, well Todd, goes there. Because of CoVID-19, I am not going anywhere for a while. Even if I wanted to, it would not be allowed.


I absolutely dread it when Todd goes to the store. Not only because I do not want to him to get sick but because the process to unload it and put everything up is both mentally and physically draining. As a matter of fact, I took a nap after we finished this past time. Honestly, I was exhausted before he even left.


The night before he went, I could not sleep. I was so worried. I am sure by now you have realized that anxiety is not my friend. All the “what ifs” were circling through my mind. On a side note, my parents used to say that they should have named me “what if” because it was pretty much all I ever said, so maybe I am not super anxious, just brilliant and inquisitive? Right now, I am anxious, “Corona Crazy” as Todd likes to call me. Back to the “what ifs” battling in my mind. “What if” someone coughs on him? “What if” someone gets in his social distancing zone, which according to him does happen. Back up people, what the heck? I told him to take a horn or whistle, but he laughed, I was a little bit serious though.  “What if” I do not get something wiped off and one of my kids get sick? Because, “what if” my homemade Clorox wipes do not really work (thanks hoarders, that one is on you)! All of those “what ifs” had me up at 3am. I was talking to myself, talking to God, talking to the dog, pacing, crying and laughing at myself.


At 7:15, it was showtime. I made coffee and took it up to wake him. I was nervous I noticed that my hand was shaking carrying up the coffee. Todd is NOT a morning person, not even a little bit, seriously not at all. But he is a good person and he gets me. Instead of growling or scowling at me for waking him he just said “thanks” grabbed his hat and was ready to go. I walked with him towards the door. It was like I was sending him to war. He stopped looked at me, tears in my eyes (get a grip Julie), hugged me and told me it would be “ok”. He grabbed his mask and the little bottle of hand sanitizer I had instructed him to use throughout the store and off he went. I went right back to freaking out and pacing. Seriously, I need sleep I can see that now I was losing my mind. About an hour later he called and was done and headed home. He reported that he had found everything but of course Clorox wipes, Lysol and toilet paper (again, thank you hoarders)! I had a strategic plan that I laid out for him so he would know what was going to happen when he got home. We would unload it; I would wipe it and put it up and he would shower. He just said “ok” like he usually does when he knows I am dead serious (or he is only half listening.)   I think he has learned to not mess with my “Corona Crazy” plans though.


I ran upstairs and grabbed an old bed sheet and spread it out on the kitchen floor. To me that was safe and smart because nothing touches the floor and that could be our “dirty zone”. To Todd, it was a little nutty but again he went with it.


As planned, we loaded everything on to the towel. I told him to go to shower and I started to wipe. I was working hard, shoot, I was starting to sweat. Not sure if that was nerves or just from being so out of shape? My money is on both. I was afraid my crappy immune system was going to breathe in some form of CoVID air. It took a while, but I got it done, wiped everything in the kitchen down too. I know you are probably asking yourself, “what about the bags?”  Well here is where I thought I was brilliant, you may call it insane, whichever word you prefer, go for it. All the bags never touched the floor or any of the food. I just gathered all the bags with the sheet and threw it all away in a giant black contractor bag and took it to the trash can outside.


I showered immediately, washed all our clothes, and thought I would calm down. I think Todd did too. It has been several days, and I am still anxious and talking about it. I hate worrying every time I get something out of the fridge. Did I wipe this well enough? Will it make the kids sick? Enough Corona! Go away!


People say, “calm down, it’ll be ok?”  or “Quit watching the news”, Awesome, if that works for you. It does not work for me. Thanks to NMO I have no choice but to be overly cautious. If I get sick with a cold, I do not just bounce back. I wish I did. I have accepted that I do not. I thought I was at peace with it. I was wrong because I am not at peace with this. This is awful, I am scared to do anything. I know what the worst-case scenario is for a person without an auto immune disease and I promise you it is different for a person like me. It is worst-case scenario for my family and that is what I am most worried about. Honestly, I am not worried about me, I am worried about them if they get sick or if something happens to me. I have put them through so much already with my NMO, I am not ready to add this to their plate.


I always say I will not let NMO win, but I think this time it has. I am not ready to give up the fight, but I am also not ready to touch the mail without spraying it more than once with Lysol.

What's on your mind

What’s on your mind



Unfortunately, our house has been filled with illness since 2020 began.  I would not call it the “Year of the Aldridges”.   It started with Olivia in the hospital for a kidney infection.  Todd has a horrible sinus infection.  Jack tested positive for Flu B.  Sophi has a minor surgery that was very painful.  Finally, Olivia got the flu which turned into pneumonia and just to make sure she was the winner, “most sick game,” she threw in a UTI just for kicks.  At some point I slept in everyone’s room at least one night, got Gatorade at 3am and thanked God for the privilege of being a mom so I could do everything they needed.  But I went weeks with barely in any sleep, and I was starting to feel very run down.  Once everyone was better, I had big plans to sleep.  Then Corona hit.  


Barely any sleep for this momma meant headaches became more frequent, my bladder got super lazy, which meant more UTIs and more bladder washings, my left leg starts to drag a little more and worst of all my brain gets fuzzy and irrational.  

Watching the “Corona News” was the worst thing I could do.  I’m also a big fan of The Walking Dead, so I had already planned of where we would escape too.   I made sure it was a sturdy brick building with supplies and close to gas stations, grocery stores and places where we could find weapons if we needed to.  I knew Rick would be proud.  I had even told Todd where we should go. and why.  He laughed but also looked at me like, “what the heck do I do with this”? 


Not only was Todd walking behind me and saying, “Got to pick that leg up,” he was telling me to calm down and to get some sleep, please get some sleep.  He was right, I see that now that I have slept (but don’t tell him he was right).  I was losing my mind, I was going “Corona Crazy”.  Literally.


Let me explain what I mean by crazy, and fasten your seatbelts folks this is going to be a bumpy ride: 

Here is the scene:  It is 2:30 am I am in my precious recliner with my electric blanket watching something fascinating on TLC.  And, my brain starts talking to me, you probably won’t be able to follow this train of thought and feel free to laugh.  It’s ok I know I was a lunatic.

“Gosh, I wish my brain would slow down it is running the 100-meter dash in the Olympics.  The Olympics, oh crap, they can’t have the Olympics it’s in Tokyo, too much Corona in Asia.  All those poor athletes training so hard for this, their sacrifices, their parents sacrifice that really stinks.  All the spectators, all the money lost and their vacations.  Vacations, we are supposed to go to Hilton Head for Spring Break, we can’t do that.  Sheesh, Olivia, Barrett and most of all my mom will be so disappointed.  Mom, oh no, mom has terrible lungs she can’t catch this.  Bad lungs, Olivia’s asthma has been out of control lately.  She has had flu and pneumonia recently how do I keep her from getting sick?  What can I do?  I know, vitamins, I’ll load them all up on vitamins.  We are almost out though.  I order some from Amazon right now.  Go back Julie, you need to go through Rakuten to get the rebate from Amazon.  Rebate, we need that for sure.  Poor Todd, he’s amazing, he supports us all and soon he won’t be able to work, He can’t go into hospitals and doctors’ offices, they won’t allow it.  He must stay healthy and not only that he could bring that home to Olivia and me.  My last counts barely showed and IGG or IGM and pretty much no IGA.  My leg is so heavy right now I must do something, I refuse to use a cane or be in a wheelchair.  Don’t be a wimp, Julie.  I really do hate this disease.”

It is now 2:31 am and I am crying, shaking and scared.  I worked myself into a panic.  Plus, once I realized I am crying, and my heart is about to jump out of my chest I get extremely mad at myself and I cry harder.  This cycle goes on for a couple hours and I usually fall asleep right before my alarm goes off and it’s time to start the day.  It is kind of a vicious cycle. 


This went on for a couple weeks until Todd finally had to take control.  As we have discussed before, I still look at him with stars in my eyes.  He would listen to my craziness.  He never dismissed me.  He never laughed, either.  He would just give his normal response, “OK honey” over and over.  However, one day I looked in his eyes and I saw it, the thing I hate the most from him, “pity and worry”.  He looked me dead in the eyes and said, “Please, you have to sleep”.  It crushes me.  He is worried.  He feels sorry for me.   Ok, I can’t handle that at all, so I just say, “I’ll sleep”.  It took some “brain convincing” but I did it.  I had to tell my brain that the kids would be ok if I slept for a little bit, that Todd would be ok, that I was going to find the cure to Corona, that nothing would change while I was asleep, that it was good for me.  I had to outsmart my brain. 


It took a few days/nights to get my brain to shut down, but it did get quieter until one night I slept.  I slept 11 hours straight.  It was amazing!  And, while I felt a little guilty about it, I knew it was the right thing to do.  For 2 days I wore PJs and I slept. I felt so much better after that.  So.Much.Better.


Sometimes it seems hard to slow down.  When I actually slow down, I feel defeated.  As I’ve said many times before, I don’t want this stupid disease to run my life.  But if I don’t learn to slow down and listen to my body, it may ruin my life.  I need to learn to how to choose what is more important.  I choose me, my family, my kids and our life.  So, I’ll slow down, I’ll try to quit worrying and I’ll sleep. 


FYI- sleeping feels fantastic and right now my brain is focused on happy things not panicky things.  And, it’s a good thing too because on the 5^th day of Quarantine I told my family I was walking into the woods and they were not to come find me. 

To be continued…

#Tribalgoals

 #Tribalgoals

I always hear people say, “find your tribe and love them hard.”  I say, “Amen to that!”  But I have another tribe I love hard too.  My tribe of doctors and nurses.  They are simply amazing!

                That is not something you often hear, but truly I would trust them with my life.  I guess I already do.  I have trusted them with my brain.  There is proof I have one by the way, I have seen the images.

                Recently, I had a routine checkup.  I have 1 probably every 3-4 months.  He says he likes to keep an eye on me.  As we all know, my bladder issues have taken over my life.  Oh, and yes, I have another uti!!  I am going for a record.  I will have to google that, maybe I can get a mention in the Guinness Book of World Records.  Can’t you just see it, go to Gatlinburg and see a life size statue of me with a thumb up holding a sterile cup and a bottle of Cipro.  I know my mom would be so proud!  Hey, everyone needs a goal, right? 

                Sorry, my Ritalin kicked in and my mind is moving fast, I got off topic.  One more reason they keep an eye on me.  Ritalin makes me wild!

                Anyway, I went to the doctor and I was fairly miserable and pathetic I’m sure.  He was concerned because 45 days with a UTI (a few breaks in between when the antibiotics were working) is not the ideal goal for your bladder. 

                Here is how dedicated he is to his patients.  I saw him at 10:40am and by 2:30pm I was at the hospital drinking some kind of vile and waiting for a CT Scan.  By 9:00 am the next morning he had already texted me the results, changed some doses on my medicine and let me know my kidneys were ok.  I have just had a horrible infection and need a long dose of antibiotics.  What an easy fix to a major pain in my butt.  Well not really a pain in my butt.

                He has been through a lot with me and my family.  I have been septic, had serum sickness and had some anxiety issues (no judgment, I think its warranted).  Anyway, he has always been there.  One time in the hospital he taught me how to make the heart monitor go off so I could scare the nurses, it was funny, hospitals get very boring.  If he told me to jump off a bridge, I would do it.  Hopefully, he won’t though, I’m pretty sure that is bad medicine. 

                Let’s discuss doctor #2 in this tribe, my neurologist.  This is the one who deals with NMO crap (I’ll sensor just in case) and it’s a giant pile of it too.  Thank the Good Lord he is young and will outlive me.  If I had to give that history every time it would be awful!  I would also trust him with my life.  He is my brain and spine man.  He has to keep me seeing, sane and standing upright.  That is not an easy task. 

I am pretty sure that there are times he would like to throw his phone out the window driving home because I text a lot.  I text with questions.  I text with scares.  I text for help when I relapse.  He never says a bad word and he always answers, and he always helps.  He never rushes and he always listens.  One time my husband, Todd, was with me.  I got some not so great news about symptom progression and I completely lost it right there on his table.   It wasn’t necessarily the news that upset me, it was Todd, I felt so sorry for him.  The look on his face was a look of love but also a look of pity and sorrow for me.  I completely lost it.  I mean lost it, like a 2yr old who can’t find their blanket.  Not only did I bawl but I verbal vomited all over that room.  I looked directly at the doctor and I said, “This is so unfair to Todd, he shouldn’t have to deal with this.”  And I admitted in front of my doctor, 2 residents and my wonderful husband, “I think I am depressed.”  Todd tried to be supportive, but his head dropped a little and I cried harder.  My amazing doctor rolled his little stool up in front of me, told me it was ok, handed me a tissue, looked me directly in the eye and said, “Who wouldn’t be.”  With tears in my eyes and I’m sure snot rolling down, I smiled, Todd smiled, and I began to calm down.

He is so determined to help me that he asks others for help.  He has sent me for consults at Cleveland Clinic, he has consulted with Mayo (with doc #3) and he even sent me to WVU.  Not only is he an amazing doctor but he is also a huge Herd fan, so I truly felt the love on that WVU consult.

Just like my other fabulous doctor, if he were to tell me to” jump off a bridge” I would do it.  But, once again let’s hope they never say that.

Rounding out this trio of the “Team I would jump off a bridge for” is my immunologist.  I was referred to her because I would stay sick.  She may very well be the smartest person I have ever met.  She discovered I was fairly deficient in IGG, IGM, and my IGA was basically non-existent.  She immediately started me on monthly IVIG infusions and I don’t get sick nearly as often as I used to.  The need for IVIG is very common in NMO patients. 

Another wonderful thing about my tribe is that they communicate with each other.  I don’t’ think I’ve been to see her when she hasn’t said she had just talked to my other tribe members.  They always have a plan.  She is very thorough.  One time she called a colleague at Mayo clinic about me.  She got me into a study there where we learned a lot about my blood levels and possible treatments. 

Just like my other 2 tribe members she calls me every single time I have test results.  She explains everything about them and then answers all my questions.  She has written letters to insurance companies on my behalf and offered to explain all the confusing they try to block you with. 

If she is sniffling, she wears a mask because my immune system is so shotty.  Surely, you all know how horrible it is to wear those masks.  She is kind, caring and compassionate, but most of all when she might be contagious, she doesn’t share it with me. 

My point to all this is when you are dealing with a wicked disease like NMO it truly, “takes a village” to keep it controlled.  Make sure your village will, accept all your calls and texts, try to find a better solution every time, go to bat for you, communicate with each other, hold your hand when you cry (even if you have snot going down your face) and most of all be your friend.  And, always remember, “my tribe is better than yours.”

You want what...for what???

You want what….For what???



                For those of you who can remember the days of chasing a Cabbage Patch Doll or a Tickle Me Elmo, let me tell you I can relate.  I’m not chasing anything as fun as that.  Instead I am chasing sterile water.  That’s right folks, sterile flipping water.  Apparently, its quite the sought after item you can only get it in the pharmacy with a prescription, oh AND it has to be ordered.

                So, I have recently added a super fun activity to my night time routine.  It’s not every night, lets not get carried away, I am too old to have that much fun every night.  On the “party nights” as I like to call them I get to wash out my bladder.  Stop!  Don’t be jealous.  And, most importantly don’t every say I don’t know how to have a good time! 

                My doctor has decided washing my bladder might help me stop getting UTI’s every other week.  He did write a prescription for the sterile water but, my insurance won’t pay for it.  I don’t know about you but I don’t see sterile water a being that expensive, but what do I know?  Instead of fighting with insurance, which I have gotten good at, I decided I could find it on my own. 

                OTC sterile water, how hard can that be to find?  If it would cure my UTI problem I’m going to find it quick too.  Once I found out how hard it was to find I flashed back to having to call around for my hard to get pain medicine.  After sitting in my car for a little while trying to get control of the flashbacks, I decided I really didn’t want to be a “seeker” again calling all the local pharmacies and asking for sterile water.  In my mind it sounded like a prank call, you know kind of like, “hello, is your refrigerator running?  Well, you better go catch it.”  But instead I would have to ramble on about how I have NMO and it has caused a neurogenic bladder and blah, blah, blah.  So I decided I could just go into the pharmacy and maybe they would see I wasn’t “jonesing” for the sterile water.  You know because the hot new trend is “sterile water addiction.”  I can just see the Dateline episode, “Sterile water it’s not just for bladder washing anymore.”

                I really wish I would have worn the Go Pro and caught the exchanges.  I would walk in the pharmacy approach the counter with hope in my eyes and say, “Hi, I have a rare auto-immune disease and it has caused my bladder to suck and long story short I need to do a bladder washes.  Unfortunately, I can’t get the sterile water to put in my catheter to do them.  Do you carry it?  I have a prescription, I am not “seeking” but my insurance has decided to pay for Viagra instead of sterile water right now?”  That was all in one breath too.  I was embarrassed and anxious, and I talk fast anyway (according to my mom) so it came out in warp speed.  And I was always asking a 19-20 yr old young adult most likely on their first day at their first “real job.”  Their reaction was priceless, “you need what?  You want to put it where?”  Mostly though it was, “Ummm, Ok, let me ask because I don’t what that is.”  I was asking way too much, I am pretty sure several of them couldn’t spell “NMO.”  One young man, I kid you not actually began to wiggle with a look of horror when I said the word “catheter.”  At first it was funny (and pathetic) but as it became my daily routine for the better part of a week it got very old.  I would go out on my daily errands and stop at every pharmacy I passed to ask the same question, tell the same story over and over.  Not to mention I would eventually get the same answer every single time, “I’m sorry ma’am, but you need a prescription from your doctor for that.”  Seriously?  Is this stuff liquid gold?  This is completely insane!

Thank the Good Lord I have smart friends.  One day my friend and I were texting back and forth about our kids and tennis.  I happened to mention to her that I was at Drug Emporium.  She texted back, “I just left there.”  Jokingly I responded, “Did you buy all the sterile water while you were there?”  I had told her the day before what was going on so she knew the struggle was real.  She responded with 2 words, 2 beautiful, genus words, “Try Amazon.”  A light bulb went off in my head, I heard angels singing, I may have even squealed a little.  Why in the world had I not thought of that?  We have Amazon prime and use it ALL THE TIME!

                Right there in the Drug Emporium parking lot I got on my fancy new iphone and I ordered sterile water.  It took all of 45 seconds to find and order.  Not only did I find and order it, I ordered it through Rakuten app so I got cash back, 10% cash back on that particular day.  Sit down it gets better, since we have Prime I also got free 2 day shipping.  Just like clockwork 2 days later it was at my door!

                Gennifer Curry, thank you for being brilliant and saving my bladder!  Amazon should put you on payroll!

This is real life...

"When life hands you lemons, make lemonade."  That is complete BS!  Who even said that anyway?  Right now I feel like life is throwing lemons at my face and I want to take my tennis racket and knock the juice out of them.  Who decided the best idea is to take the bad and spin it for the good?  Why can't I just be angry for a little while?  Why can't I get it all out?  You know what?  I can.  And, I will.  People tell me all the time I have the best attitude, nope, not today.

So here is my plan (when you write it down you have to do it, right?)
     1.)  I will write my plan ✔.  And, as I write my plan it will be fast and messy.  Maybe, I will press so hard I will break the pencil too.  Maybe, it will missing commas and words, why should I care, I'm not getting a grade?  Although today I feel life has given me a grade.  Life has graded me a "T" for tired, a big fat "T".  I am so tired.  I am tired of calling my doctors and saying, "so sorry to bother you but..." (although they don't seem to mind.) I am tired of smiling and telling people, "I'm great" when all I want to do is lay down.  I am tired of feeling guilty because I don't feel well and even though I am a stay at home I can't work the book fair because kids with simple viruses seem likely to cause me to have pneumonia.  But what I am most tired of is the unknown.  It seems like everyday something new hurts or I develop a weird twitch or some other stupid thing.

     2.)  I am going to scream and then probably cry.  No one is home right now.  Our kids are at school and my husband is out busting his butt working for us because 4 kids are expensive.  Unfortunately, I am not much help in that area either.  They eat a ton, and for some reason they have feet that grow every 10 minutes.  Let me tell you this folks those shoes are like car payments now too!  Thank the good Lord Todd never flinches about taking care of them when it comes to this stuff either.  Even though I am super angry today I am still very thankful especially for my family.

Today, I am going to tighten every muscle in body (even the ones that hurt) and I am going to scream as loud as I can, "I hate you NMO!"  Then, I am going to cry and get it out, every last bit of it.  One of my bffs, Phoebe told me "crying was therapeutic and being tough all the time wasn't." She was correct.  No worries though because autoimmune illnesses seem to pile up on top of each other and my body also gifted me with Sjogren's syndrome so I won't have a ton of tears rolling out.

     3.)  I am keeping my PJ's on ALL day, well until about 2:50 when I leave to go get the kids.  I am also going to take a nap.  I never take naps because I feel guilty about it.  I feel guilty because my contribution to the family is not financial.  I feel guilty because usually our house seems like a mess and since I stay home I should keep it neat and tidy (Leave it to Beaver style).  I feel guilty because even though I do laundry all the time we still have 84648916 loads to do.  Seriously, how do they dirty so many clothes?

Today, I am exhausted, obviously angry and just don't want to deal with it.  Today, I am completely over it!  I quit!  My body obviously went on strike a long time ago so today my attitude is joining it!
So, until 2:50 when I leave to get my kids I guess NMO wins.  It beat me, I hate it.  But when I get my kids I'll take my life back and start working on beating it in extra rounds, extra innings, overtime, the 3rd set or whatever sports analogy works for you.  Feel free to insert it.

This is real life people.  I do not always have a great attitude like I have been told.  Today I am whiny and I am not apologizing for it.  Today my glass is half empty.  I don't really feel well (yep, I said it.)  I have fever again for absolutely no reason.  I am 44 years old and I have to cath myself, my head pretty much always hurts, my eyes are usually so dry I have to physically open them with my fingers in the morning.  It is dumb!  No one should have to deal with this stuff.  I worry every day my kids will get one of these stupid diseases.

Every one needs a vice.  I don't smoke, I don't drink (I even gave up Diet Coke because my bladder is a loser!)  Today my vice is anger and self pity!

For now NMO wins but at 2:50 it better watch out because I am going to be well rested and refreshed.  I am going to take those stupid lemons and make them into the sweetest glass of lemonade it's ever had.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot!  I am also going to eat a giant bowl of Neapolitan Ice Cream and I am not going to feel one bit guilty about it!

Oh the irony....

I hope you are sitting down because I am about to blow your mind!  I have a terrible UTI…again!  Guess what? This time I am mad.  Mad and miserable.  What a combination, a mad and miserable one eye woman who occasionally drags her left leg and right at this moment can not stand up completely straight because my kidneys have had enough of me.  What a picture!  Raise you hand if you see a pirate telling this story.  I do!  I just need a jug of “ale” and Johnny Depp on my arm and I would be all set! 

This time I can’t really blame my NMO for all of it.  This time it’s on me.  We have had so much going on lately I just decided to ignore all my symptoms.  My thought was either it will go away, or I would call the doctor as soon as we got through with Trick or Treat, or tennis tournaments, or school parties, or whatever else all those picture-perfect moms do.  Honestly folks I am just sick of being probed!  I already probe myself 3 times a day and in case you missed it, it sucks!  Not to mention I just did not have the enthusiasm to sit in a paper-thin gown and watch the hair on my legs grow while I froze to death.  Nor was I sure if my unmentionable parts were ready to greet a doctor when he walked in the room.  Seriously it goes like this:  paper gown, tiny paper blanket, “hello” medical staff (my face is up here), get probed while they promise it will only hurt a little (fake news) and antibiotic.  Not to mention my medical history which takes for ever to explain if they have a new nurse.  God bless her, I’d probably want to throat punch someone like me if I had to take their history. 

As we have discussed before I am practically a doctor.  Especially since Direct TV started showing all the seasons of “ER” again.  That plus “Greys Anatomy” come on, where’s my stethoscope?  Due to my advanced knowledge I could just riffle through the medicine cabinet and find enough old Amoxicillin and Cipro to make at least a full 5 days!   Calm down Mom (she really is a doctor), I didn’t do that.  Antibiotics aren’t really a friend to a person with all my autoimmune issues so I always pray it is the right one.

A couple of my close friends who have had to hear, “The Tales of My Urethra,” have asked why the Botox didn’t resolve my bladder problems.  The Botox worked, it worked great!  I could jump on a trampoline and sneeze at the same time right now and not drip a drop.  Before I could just be sitting in my car and hear someone in the back-seat sneeze and lose some fluid.  I believe that is called, “overactive bladder by osmosis.”  So, I say with complete confidence, “Botox works,” and as a bonus I am pretty sure my bladder looks much younger too!

Since we last talked, I have also been to the neurologist.  In case I haven’t told you, he is great, and I have complete confidence in him.  Anyway, I have developed a new symptom that is referred to as an “MS hug.”  The irony in this is amazing.  I don’t hug.  At all.  My mom is all touchy feely, my dad is not.  Guess which one I am like?  On Christmas one of my mom’s gifts from me is a hug (I consider it the gift that keeps on giving).  For example, my cousin, T.E. is by far one of my most favorite people on the planet.  He is a few years older than me and for as long as I can remember I have thought he was fantastic!  I used to follow him around everywhere he went.  I drove him nuts.  I still do. We text funny messages. I text him questions (he is a doctor), and he makes me loads of peanut butter balls every Christmas.  My point to all this “Superhero T.E.” talk is that I don’t think I have ever hugged him, not one time.  Seriously friends, not one time!  

So, I have some stupid hug that many Multiple Sclerosis patients suffer from go figure.  I don’t even have MS.  But I do have its evil cousin, NMO.  This hug is just how it sounds, a suffocating squeeze around my chest that not only hurts but makes me feel like I can’t breathe and then I get anxious.  Hugs are taunting me.  It’s like they (the hugs) are getting revenge on me for every time I would see someone at Target but acted like I didn’t, so we wouldn’t have to hug “hi.”  It is a very cruel symptom and further proves that hugs are evil!  They spread germs, place you awkwardly in someone’s chest, inevitably sniffing their hair that desperately needs washed.  Most importantly though they suffocate me!  So, guess what?  There is a pill for that.  

If you are counting, that is 2 new issues and 2 new pills.  If good things come in threes, then what in world is next?

But you know and I know it could always be worse.  Truthfully, it could have been better much quicker.  Like I said, I waited and waited to even call the doctor.  I am beyond “peeing in cup” and the longer I wait the more my body hates me.  I felt the UTI coming on like gangbusters but, and wait for it people, my 10-yr. old daughter was playing in her 3^rd tennis tournament in Lexington and I was not about to miss that!  I am that parent.  My loving father calls me a, “Little League Mom,” all the time.  And, listen carefully…I don’t care.  I love watching our four kids do anything from painting a picture to playing in a tournament.  Everything they do is awesome.  While it goes without saying, they get all their skills from me.  I sit in the chairs or bleachers and watch like they are winning the lottery.   But when they are done, I am also the mom who speaks the truth.  I’ve said things like, “You played great!  Too bad they played better” or “Geez your serve really stunk today.”  I think one of my greatest moments came when Jack was 8.  He was a tiny, round, asthmatic kid who tried so hard, but basketball just wasn’t his calling.  Right about the time the gym became completely quiet I stood up (I was possessed) and I yelled, “Get the glue off of your feet!”  I still hear about that one from time to time.   In case you missed it, I am vey competitive.  

Anyway, I took my chance on my bladder getting worse because Olivia needed to play in that tournament and no way was I missing it.  That’s right, this time it was Lexington but next time I am sure it’s Wimbledon, why else would she have to be in that tournament.  On changeovers, I would run to the bathroom and occasionally cath myself (I am that good at it now, jealous?)  At one point I walked outside using the excuse, “I can’t watch this, it’s horrible tennis.”  Yes, friends instead of saying my urethra was trying to kill me I said 10-year-old tennis was “bad tennis”.  Thank the good Lord my mom was there, and she played an Oscar Award winning, “Proud Ma-Ma”.  She was able to talk to the other family (who numbered 9!!! what in the world) and when they would brag, she would brag and show an iPhone picture to back it up, Ma-Ma-1, Party of 9-0!  I’m never rude (unless I have no choice lol) but I want to watch and not talk, especially that day.  I do talk and from time to time I’ve been known to call someone out.  I absolutely love (insert sarcastic grin) the “out loud” critiquing parents talking about other kids and I especially love it when it’s about my child.  I usually say something like, “that’s my child out there so maybe talk a little quieter.”  I am that mom and I’m not sorry.  I am also that mom who loves every little thing my child does, and I won’t allow them to suffer because my body isn’t 100%, or right now even 75%. 

Our kids have worked very hard to get as good as they have in a short amount of time.  It isn’t their fault that I have NMO.  I have said from Day 1 of this crappy diagnosis that I won’t allow my family to suffer because of it.  One of my greatest fears is that when our children get older they will only remember me as being sick.  I have always said, “the greatest gift God has given me is to make me a mother.”  He blessed me with 3 and a bonus, and I won’t let Him down.  I won’t let them down either.  You see when NMO attacks me I refuse to let it attack my family too.  It won’t beat me.  So, from now on when it “hugs” me I am going to just hug it back.  Heck, I might even kiss it on the cheek and tell it to kiss me somewhere else.